He's Back.....

March 3 2007

Or at least he was.... Pain is back today. Just testing the waters really, but I feel him there I don't know what roused him, maybe it was my ride outside yesterday, maybe it was the fact I had some wine last night but I pray he goes back to sleep. Why would I feel pain inside my chest, legs, neck head, arms if he wasn't waking up, begriming to move within the nerves of my body?

March 7, 2007 - Today

Hey I'm loving this! I have felt great the last few days. After the 3rd things got better fast. I think it is because of my cycling. If I am moving around I'm doing good. I have to keep things in perspective though. I've been through this before. I can feel great for a few days and then I'm blasted for a week. We'll see, for now I'm going to go on as if I will never be sick again.

Α&Ω

No visitors today

Well it seems that Pain exhausted himself as much as he did me. Today was not too bad. I went to the Dr. yesterday. Of course the answer is more drugs. The drugs that work best are expensive and the insurance companies won't let me use, or use so sparingly it is almost a tease. Other drugs, like hard narcotics, are cheap and the insurance company will allow boat loads of those. I don't take them that much though; only 3 or 4 times per week; more than that and they tear up my insides as much as the pain tears up the rest of me.

More on My Friend Pain

My friend was close by my side today. He was winding his way through my back, my neck, my head and my eyes. He was especially angry, and when he is he is efficient and merciless at what he provides to me. His offerings are so abundant that he, Pain, literally overflows and cannot be contained by me. When pain overflowed from within me today he became confusion and anxiety. How can I explain being so overwhelmed that I don't recognize familiar places, I am exhausted and wanting sleep but Pain keeps me between the sweetness and comfort of sleep and the full awareness that he is crawling through my body angrily setting nerves on fire.
Today Pain performed with such expertise he even struck fear into the heart of his accomplice, Nausea. Even the powerful and debilitating nausea dare not show his face when Pain, is slithering wild and unabated through the synopses of my body. Even Nausea, his dear and close companion dare not tread on the purity of Pains exquisite work. Pain is master, pain is king. Only the Lord of Hosts will he bow down to. Only the Lord of Hosts can turn him to the infinite nothingness that he will one day become when I am free of him. But today, today my sweet Lord and my God, the Lord of Hosts has chosen to allow the demon to run free.

Pain

I guess I have to start writing about my Pain. I have my wife, kids, family and friends I can count on. But my Pain is my constant companion. It is the one that never leaves me alone even for a moment. I am never by myself thanks to my companion, my Pain. When my Pain needs company I cannot provide it overwhelms me like spoiled child demanding attention and gives birth to its sibling Nausea.
The last couple of days Pain has been demanding. He has surged as nerve pain from my head to my feet and back again. Sometimes he settles in my chest and moves along my esophagus and my collar bones and the back of my neck. He has called his sibling many times the last couple of days. Pain and Nausea have combined, faithful, constant and relentless companions of mine, my head ringing so bad it affects what I can hear.
Why these three companions have chosen to be so committed to me I don't know. And why does this commitment have so much determination to savage me.