Do I accept - I do NOT

For me I don't think I will ever accept that I had a stroke. I know some people can say they only look forward and that they don't look back. I can't do that. I wasn't the only one there before my first stroke on Oct. 17 2005 at 7:15 PM. So SO SO many people had helped me get to where I was in my life and helped me make my life what it had become; everybody from family, friends and my kids to teaches, instructors, counselors and yes even those people I don't thin I liked that much. For me to say, 'I accept what happened and I'm only looking forward, never back' is a slap in the face to each and every one of those people that helped me get to where I was before the thief came. It is like saying, 'thanks for the effort but oh well. I didn't really need it because I can do just as good no matter if you made an effort be there for me or not'.
Hey I'm doing great. I'm carving out a life for myself. I'm growing and continuing my life but my past is there. Without a past there is no present, no future. My strokes are there and they stole a lot from me. I will search for the reason like a hungry dog searching for a scrap of food. During that search; my my life is going to grow and become what I and the people who are once again here for me make it. But no, I will never stop asking why and sit back in a zhen like peace and get philosophical and giggly about it. The reason I stroked is out there and it is going to be pursued.....like a scrap of garbage by a hungry dog!